Hope, Healing & Freedom Podcast: Episode 188
TRANSCRIPT
Did you know that more money is spent on Halloween than on Valentines Day? Crazy isn’t it. I must admit that I am not a romantic. I have found it very difficult over the years to know what to do for Cindi on Valentines day so I end up doing nothing. Well, after all she is so blessed all year round by being married to me, right? In honor of Valentines Day, I want to have a little fun with the idea of being romantic. I hope you enjoy this.
I’m Lee Whitman and I welcome you into this Hope Healing and Freedom podcast. As a disclaimer, I have borrowed most of this material from others. I want to start by giving the answers that children gave to tough questions about marriage.
How does a person decide who to marry?
“You’ve got to find someone who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”
“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who you are stuck with.”
What is the best age to get married?
23 is the best age because you would know the person forever by then.
How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You can tell if people are married because they are both yelling at the same kids.
What do your mom and dad have in common?
Both want no more kids.
What do most people do on a date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
When is it OK to kiss someone?
When they are rich.
Is it better to be married or single?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change diapers. If I did get married, I’d phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper changing.
What about getting married the second time
Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than one before you get a good one.
How to make a marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
If you want it to last, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and has a few diamonds on it.
This story by comedian Dave Barry perfectly describes how men and women think sooooo differently.
What Women Don’t Understand About Guys by Dave Barry
Contrary to what many women believe, it is easy to develop a long-term intimate and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course, the guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys it’s extremely difficult. This is because guys don’t really grasp what women mean by the word relationship.
Let’s say a guy named Roger asks a woman named Elaine out to a movie. She excepts, and they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he askes her out to dinner and they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly and soon neither is seeing anybody else.
Then one evening when they’re driving home a thought occurs to Elaine. She says, “do you realize that we’ve been seeing each other for exactly 6 months?” Silence fills the car. To Elaine it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to her self, “geez, I wonder if it bothered him that I said that. Maybe he feels confined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation.”
And Roger is thinking “gosh six months”.
And Elaine is thinking, “but hey, I’m not so sure I want that kind of relationship either. Are we heading towards marriage? Towards Children? Towards a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?”
And Roger is thinking, “so that means it was let’s see February when we started going out which was right after I had the car at the dealer, which means, oh let me check the odometer, wow I’m way overdue for an oil change here.”
And Elaine is thinking, “he’s upset. I can see he’s upset. I can see it in his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment. Maybe he senses my reservations. Yes, that’s it. He’s afraid of being rejected.”
And Roger is thinking, “I’m gonna have them look at that transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say it’s still not shifting right, and they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time, it’s 87° out and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieving cretins $600.”
And Elaine is thinking, “he’s angry and I don’t blame him. I’d be angry too. I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure”
And Roger is thinking, “they’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. That’s what they’re gonna say.”
And Elaine is thinking, “maybe I’m too idealistic waiting for the knight to come riding up on the white horse when I’m sitting next to a perfectly good person who’s in pain because of my self-centered schoolgirl fantasy.”
And Roger is thinking, “warranty? I’ll give them a warranty.”
“Roger”, Elaine says out loud.
“What?” says Roger.
“I’m such a fool”, Elaine says sobbing. “I mean I know there’s no knight and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” says Roger.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.
“No” Roger says, glad to know the correct answer.
“It’s just that I need some time”, Elaine says.
There’s a 15 second pause while Roger tries to come up with a safe response. “Yes”, he finally says.
Elaine deeply moved touched his hand. “Oh Roger, do you really feel that way?” “What way”? Roger says.
“That way about time”, Elaine says.
“Oh” says Roger. “Yes”.
Elaine gazes deeply into his eyes causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it in involves a horse. At last she says, “Thank you Roger.”
“Thank you”, he responds.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed a conflicted soul weeping until dawn. Whereas when Roger gets back to his place he opened a bag of chips turns on the TV and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between to Czech players he’s never heard of. A tiny voice in his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he figures it’s better not to think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, and they will talk for six straight hours in painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said. They will continue to discuss this subject for weeks, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwell Roger playing racquetball one day with a friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving and ask, “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”
I ran across this story about how to honor your wife. I love it!
Johnny Lingo’s 8 Cow Wife
The story is told of a man who was traveling in the Pacific Islands to set up trade. In talking to different people during his visit about setting up trade and enterprise on the island, he was constantly being told he needed to talk to a man named Johnny Lingo. “If you wanna know about trade”, they would tell him, “you need to see Johnny Lingo. If you want to set up enterprise on the island, you must see Johnny Lingo.”
And so, it went. Johnny Lingo was a highly educated and respected Man, respected in every way that is except one. Each time the visitor would finish talking with someone who had paid high respect to Johnny Lingo, the person would smirk and shake their head in dismay. “Tell me”, the man inquired. “Why do you pay such respect for Johnny Lingo and yet smirk and laugh at him”. Finally, one responded that, “yes, Johnny Lingo is a very wise man, but he made a bad mistake in choosing a wife.” In that culture, who you chose for your wife and more specifically what you paid for your wife spoke a lot about the man. You see a man had to buy his wife by trading cows for her. A 2-cow wife is fair to average. A 4 to 5 cow wife is an excellent wife. To pay six cows for a wife is almost unheard of. And Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for his wife Serita. Everyone on the island knew Serita and even the kindest of them would call her plain at best, so everyone knew that Johnny Lingo had paid too much for his wife.
So, the man went to the home of Johnny Lingo to meet with Johnny Lingo about business and enterprise. As they visited Johnny Lingo quizzed the man as to what he knew about Johnny Lingo. “What have you heard about me?” he asked continually. “Well, that you are a highly respected businessman”, the guest responded. “What else have you heard about me?” Johnny Lingo pressed. The man finally gave in. “I heard about your wife.” “What did you hear about my wife?” Johnny continued to push for an answer. “That you paid too much for her.” At that moment, Sarita entered the room carrying a bunch of freshly cut flowers. The visitor looked in astonishment. She was a very beautiful woman. The way she walked, the way she carried herself, was so elegant and graceful. She put the flowers down and paused long enough to turn and smile at Johnny Lingo and gracefully exit the room. Johnny said to the man, “That is my wife.” The man responded, astonished, “That is the woman that I heard about in the village?” “Yes”, Johnny replied. “But how can she be so different from what the people described to me?” Johnny said, “You can think what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband has settled on the lowest price that a wife can be bought for. And when the women talk, they boast of what their men paid for them, 4 cows, maybe 6 cows. How does she feel knowing she went for the lowest price possible? I do not want this for my Serita.” “So, you did this just to make her happy?” the visitor asked. “Oh, I wanted her to be happy, this is true. But more than that, you say my Cerita is different, this is also true. You see, many things can change a woman. Things that happen on the inside, things that happen on the outside. But the thing that matters most is what she believes about herself. In her home village, Serita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows that she is worth more than any other woman on the island. You see, I wanted Sarita. I loved her. You may not understand” Johnny Lingo said softly, “I wanted an 8-cow wife.”
I hope you enjoyed this little bit different podcast.
PRAYER
Father God, You are love. You know how to love us better than any person ever will. Will You bless each one who is listening to this today. Valentine’s Day can be very difficult for many people. I am asking that You would help them to experience your love, no matter what their relational situation is. You are the best!