Hope, Healing & Freedom Podcast: Episode 179
TRANSCRIPT
This time of year, is stress-filled or joy-filled, and sometimes both. We know that the focus should be on Jesus, but there is so much to get done and so little time! Let’s take a few minutes to consider some ways to experience more joy and peace.
This is Cindi Whitman with Restoring the Foundations:
Today’s scripture is:
Is 9:6 “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Jesus is the fulfillment of this prophecy.
Wonderful Counselor – extraordinary, miraculous, beyond comprehension is how the Hebrew word describes “wonderful” (pele). A counselor is someone you can tell anything to. A counselor listens to your deepest secrets, without judgment, and they are entirely trustworthy not to tell. It’s someone who provides guidance, a listening ear, direction, and strategy. Jesus is more than a good listener. He is a wise king with miraculous supernatural wisdom.
Jesus is our Wonderful Counselor.
Mighty God – the Hebrew is El Gibbor. El is a generic word for God. One definition says it means strong, powerful, mighty, or a hero/champion! Gibbor means strong, with the power and authority to fight for his people and to provide for their salvation. He is our hero and champion. He is powerful and has all the authority to fight for us. Jesus is our Mighty God.
Everlasting Father – At first glance, this may not seem very clear. Jesus is the son of God. How can he be the Father? In this description, Jesus is part of the Trinity – Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. He has always been and always will be. As Father, he provides, cares for, and protects. Jesus is our Everlasting Father.
Prince of Peace
Peace is more than the absence of conflict. The Hebrew is Sar Shalom—a leader, ruler, or chief. Shalom isn’t just peace or the lack of conflict, as we think of it. In John 14:27, Jesus talks about this peace. He said, “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” In Hebrew, Shalom means completeness, wholeness, health, prosperity, and total well-being. We are reconciled to God through Jesus Christ. We experience His Shalom.
Jesus is our Prince of Peace.
So, how does this scripture apply to your Christmas season? There are so many things to do this time of year. We are caught up in gift-buying and wrapping, decorating, baking, writing cards and Christmas letters, traveling to visit family, or preparing for guests in your home. There is added financial stress, increased time stress, and the stress of practices, programs, and gatherings with friends and family. How about the emotional stress of being with family and dealing with everyone’s expectations – spoken and not spoken. What about the pain of disappointment and loss? How do we keep our focus on the real reason for the season?
Be Practical and Realistic
Hallmark Christmases are unrealistic. The goal isn’t a “perfect” Christmas. It doesn’t exist! Even at the first Christmas, in Bethlehem, the “house” wasn’t spotless. (barn animals do make a mess) They had unexpected guests (shepherds and wise men), and they weren’t prepared for them. The only gifts were the ones the wise men brought to give to Jesus!
A recent 2023 survey by the American Psychological Association found that 89% of adults in the USA feel stressed during the holiday season. When we are stressed, we are not experiencing Shalom.
As a child, I lived in Colorado, and all of our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins lived in Texas. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas, we would make the ten-hour trek to visit family. It was long and tedious. We didn’t have personal devices for entertainment. We were stuck with coloring books or reading. As the middle child, I often ended up in the middle seat of our station wagon, serving as a peacemaker between my sister and brother.
I remember eating Christmas dinner at one set of grandparents and then going to the other grandparents for dinner. Regardless of whether you were hungry, the expectation was that you would eat a lot and be thankful! To add to the stress, certain family members controlled everything. Our role as children was to be seen and not heard. I do not remember having Christmas morning as a family at home. I decided that when I had a family of my own, I wanted to do things differently.
Newly married couples often face challenges when it comes to their holiday expectations. Lee and I discovered that our families celebrated holidays in very different ways. My family lives hundreds of miles away from our extended relatives, while Lee grew up surrounded by his extended family, all living in the same town. Our experiences were vastly different, and we needed to agree on what was right for our family. Before having children, it wasn’t a big deal, but we wanted to establish different memories for our children. When our children came along, we decided to spend Christmas Day at home with our kids. We would celebrate with his family on a different day, and if we were going to Colorado to visit my family, it wouldn’t be on Christmas Day. Initially, there was some pushback, but we stood our ground, and the extended family shifted. The focus changed from celebrating on a particular day to finding a day that worked for everyone.
We have great memories of being at home with our kids on Christmas Day. The stress of having to be somewhere and dress a certain way was gone. We could relax, be together, and stay in our pajamas all day. The kids could play with their new toys without having to leave them behind. Now that we are parents of adult children with children, we choose to be flexible about getting together. They all have families, and we don’t want to be the source of added stress for them. We often celebrate Christmas together on the Sunday before Christmas. If that day doesn’t work out, we find another that does. It’s not about being together on a particular day; it’s about being together and remembering why we celebrate Christmas. We can celebrate Christmas together any day that works for everyone. The joy of the season is remembering that Jesus was born – God with us – and sharing life with those we love.
Take a few minutes and reflect on what you want your Christmas to be. How important is it for you to decorate every room in the house and the exterior? Is it necessary to give gifts to everyone in your family? Just because you’ve always done something doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it.
Consider some options:
Gift giving: Draw names with extended family members. Agree on the price and stick to it. You have just cut your shopping list, saved some time, and helped your budget!
Be flexible: Would it relieve some stress if you agreed to celebrate Christmas with extended family on a different day than December 25? (According to Bible scholars, December 25 is probably not the day that Jesus was born. His birth was most likely in the springtime.)
Be Realistic: Take a look at your list:
- Gifts to buy and wrap
- Decorations – inside and out
- Baking
- Programs and potlucks
- Cards to purchase, write, and send
- House to clean top to bottom.
- Caroling
- Other
How about you take your list to Jesus – the Wonderful Counselor and ask Him to show you what needs to stay? What is really important?
Even though Lee and I had agreed to celebrate Christmas Day at home with our children when they were young, I hadn’t addressed my perfectionism and performance issues. I wanted our children to have a perfect Christmas. All the items on the list above were essential. I spent hours decorating our home. Every room had Christmas decor. The house not only looked Christmassy, but smelled it, too. Lee decorated the outside to look like a gingerbread house. I am not typically a baker, but I became one in December. I baked cookies for friends and family. I searched for the perfect gifts for everyone on my list. I went to a seminar on how to make Christmas memorable. I added a few more things to my already unrealistic list.
My expectations of myself and others were unrealistic. I didn’t meet my own goals, and no one else did either.
Receiving RTF ministry helped free me from the trap of perfectionism and performance. Our celebrations are now simplified. Our gift giving is more realistic. Instead of buying gifts for our adult children and their spouses, we give gift cards or money. They’re all happy to have extra money instead of a sweater or scarf that I picked out for them that they’ll never wear! Even the older grandchildren are happier with money to spend on their own. There are fewer gifts under the tree, but everyone is happier, and I save myself a lot of time and them from the disappointment of a gift they don’t like!
Another way to relieve the stress of gift buying is to take older grandchildren shopping after Christmas. During the gift exchange, give a small gift or card with a note that you’ll be taking them shopping. Make a day of it. Come prepared with cash to give them. Go to the stores they choose and let them spend the money however they want. If they’re old enough, remind them to include 10% for tax. Stay firm that the amount they receive is their budget. Don’t get sucked into their emotional pleas for more. You’ll make a memory, get insight into what they like, and have a math lesson on top! If you struggle with control, you’ll have an opportunity to practice releasing it by allowing them to choose their own gifts.
Set Boundaries
An important thing to ask yourself is how you can stay in a place of Shalom – wholeness, health, and peace during this season.
If visiting Uncle Henry is stressful or unsafe for you or your family, either don’t go or agree to a short, limited time frame. Unresolved past pain is a minefield for your emotional well-being. Please don’t ignore your emotions, but don’t let them rule you either. If you’re uncomfortable or get triggered around certain family members, you need to receive healing. Recognize your own limitations and establish healthy boundaries for yourself and your family. Also, be intentional about getting heart healing.
We had an unsafe family member. He would have unprovoked anger outbursts. He would most often lash out at me when I was alone. Lee and I agreed that if this family member began acting out, we would leave and go to a hotel. No questions asked. No discussion. We were not willing to subject ourselves or our children to this kind of abuse. Since the acting out mainly occurred when Lee was not present, we also decided that I would not visit that family member without Lee. Our decision came with a cost, but the benefits far outweighed the possible damage.
Receiving RTF ministry to heal my heart helped. I was able to look at this person the way God saw them, rather than through my hurt. However, the boundary was still needed because, although I received healing, the other person still acted out of their pain. There is nothing wrong with establishing health and safety boundaries for yourself and your family. Others may not be happy with your choices, but ultimately, you are responsible for the well-being of yourself and your family over the feelings of others.
Prioritize Self-Care
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. You’re the one who knows what you need. Continuing your exercise schedule is invaluable. Being able to say no with kindness is life-giving to yourself, and it helps relieve stress. If the holidays are triggers for grief, loss, and disappointment, recognize them. It’s common to feel increased emotions around the holidays. It might not be possible to deal with the feelings immediately, but I’d encourage you to recognize that the pain doesn’t go away with more time. A gift you could give yourself would be to set aside time in 2026 with an RTF minister to get to the root of the unhealed emotions and receive healing. We don’t want to give Satan a foothold, and unhealed emotions are definitely a place he loves to stir up. Hurt people, hurt people. Healed people, heal people. These are not just nice sayings; they are true.
Join me in this prayer:
Father God, thank you for sending your son, Jesus Christ, to this earth. We celebrate His birth during this season. Help us keep our focus on Him, not on all the noise. Show us how we can simplify and experience Him as Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace!
May you have a blessed Christmas! Jesus is the Reason for the Season!
