Hope, Healing & Freedom Podcast: Episode 144
TRANSCRIPT
If there was something you could do that would have an immediate impact on the amount of freedom you experience, would you want to know what that is? What if this one thing could even have a direct positive impact on your personal relationships? And what if this one thing would also have a positive effect on your physical health? Do you want to know what that one thing is? Then join me on today’s podcast.
I’m Lee Whitman with Restoring the Foundations and I welcome you into this Hope Healing and Freedom podcast. I realize that the opening to the podcast sounded like one of those infomercials where you have to listen to 45 minutes of the speaker talk before, they give the bottom line. I am not going to do that, as a matter of fact I have only talked for 45 seconds. And here is the answer to all three of the questions I began with: forgiveness. The reason we are going to talk about something so fundamental as forgiveness is because it is something that is easy to talk about, but not as easy to walk in. In RTF ministry forgiveness is seen as one of the principal keys that paves the way to freedom in all areas of our lives. Let’s take a look at forgiveness from several angles to help us more easily be willing to walk in and experience the freedom that forgiveness brings.
First let’s start by explaining why forgiveness is necessary. The first reason it is necessary is that God requires us to forgive others. Matthew 6:14-15 says “For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” On the surface that is a pretty harsh standard. Some people might ask what about God’s grace. Because of God’s unmerited favor which is His grace doesn’t God have to forgive us even when we don’t forgive other people’s transgressions? The answer is no. God not forgiving when we don’t forgive does not negate His grace. In fact, it is part of His grace that leads us to want to forgive. Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God”. God’s grace is what gives us the power to even be able to forgive others.
We must look at the issue of forgiveness through the eyes of a loving Father that only wants the best for His children. God knows what unforgiveness does to us. It is like a poison that destroys us from the inside out. Ephesians 4:32 says “And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” When we consider how much God has forgiven us, it allows the grace of God to give us the desire to want to forgive others. In ancient Romans times when someone killed another person for their punishment, they would strap the dead body of the person who was killed onto the back of the killer. Over time as the dead body would decompose, the poisons from the dead body would soak into the killer’s body and the killer would end up dying from the poisons from the person they killed. That is what unforgiveness is like. We falsely believe that by holding onto the offense we are going to get back at the offender, when our unforgiveness is actually poisoning us.
For forgiveness to be complete it must also include forgiving from the heart. Forgiveness is a decision and not a feeling. We often hear people say, but I don’t feel like forgiving. Or some can legitimately say “but you don’t know what they have done to me.” The good news about forgiveness is that you don’t have to feel like forgiving. You have the ability to choose to forgive since forgiveness is a decision. Making the decision to forgive what was done to you is only half of forgiveness. Matthew 18:34-35 says, “And his master was moved with anger, and handed him over to the torturers until he would repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from the heart.” Forgiveness must move from the head, the decision, to the heart. There are two parts of forgiveness. The first part is to forgive what was done to you. This is most often what we are taught is forgiveness. Someone does something to offend you, you must forgive their action. But Matthew 18:35 says that you must forgive from the heart. There are two parts of forgiveness. As we have said, the first part is to forgive what was done. The second part is to forgive the damage or hurt that their behavior caused. Let me use a simple example. Let’s say I am visiting your home and upon leaving I back into your car. I come back in the house and tell you that I backed into your car. The first part of forgiveness in this case would be for you to forgive me for backing into your car, to forgive the action. The second part of forgiveness is to examine the damage that was done to your car. Many times, when we just forgive the event, we are left with the hurt that the other person’s actions caused. We have not examined what their behavior has cost us. To forgive me for the damage that was done to your car you must take the time to examine the car. I may have just caused a little scratch, or I may have wiped out the entire side of your car. To forgive from the heart you must examine the damage or the hurt that their behavior caused you.
You may have had this happen to you at some point in life, but you have made the decision to forgive what someone did to offend you. Then that person’s name comes up in a conversation and all of this hurt, and anger comes rushing back causing you to doubt whether you have actually forgiven or not. I would say that you have probably forgiven the event, but you have not had your heart healed from the damage that was caused by their behavior. There was an event on the news recently where a 16-year-old boy was stabbed to death at a track meet. The news interviewed the father of this boy, and he stated that he had to forgive the boy who killed his son, not for that offending boy’s sake, but for his own sake. I would venture to say that this father, who is a believer in Jesus, has forgiven what was done to his son to the best of his ability, which is an amazing first step. But he will need to allow Jesus to come and heal his broken heart from the damage done by losing his son for the forgiveness to be complete. And Jesus is really good at healing the broken hearted when we take our hurts to Him.
There is another misconception about forgiveness that I want to talk about. Many have been taught that when they forgive another person they need to go to that person and tell them that they forgave them. Let me give an example of this. It is not uncommon for children to need to forgive their parents for some of the things that were done or not done to them over their growing up years. But it is a mistake for that child to go to their parents and tell them that they forgive them for these specific things that were done or not done. The bible gives specific instructions on how to handle two types of forgiveness situations. The first is when you have offended another. Matthew 5:23-24 says, “If you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, (you have offended them) leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, then come and present your offering.” When we understand that we have offended another, we are to go to that person and ask for their forgiveness and be reconciled with them if they are willing. Not everyone is willing or able to forgive you and be reconciled. Romans 12:18 says “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people.” In other words, it may not be possible to be at peace with some people because they will not allow it.
The second forgiveness situation is when someone has offended you. Mark 11:25 says “And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you of your offenses.” When you are the one who is offended, it doesn’t say to go and tell them you have forgiven them, you are just to forgive the offense between you and God.
Forgiveness will have a very positive effect on your relationships. When you walk in forgiveness and keep the slate clean between you and those in your life, then you will be able to walk with them without barriers. Let me use your parents again as an example. When you have something against your parents, even something minor, it creates a barrier with them. But when you are able to forgive them for their mistakes and shortcomings you are free to love them as they are. And when we forgive another person, we actually break the negative spiritual bond between us and them. Then God is able to freely work in their life as well as in your life. During RTF ministry we help people forgive those who have hurt them. It is not unusual for children to have to forgive their fathers for things they did or did not do. We have heard back from some of these people who had forgiven their fathers that their dad, who they had not talked to in 2-3 years, called them and they talked. Coincidence you say? I don’t think so. The negative bond was broken through forgiveness giving God the freedom to move on that father’s heart.
Forgiveness also has a positive effect on your health. Doctors are discovering that the human body is very affected by carrying unresolved hurt and anger. There are several physical issues that are caused by holding onto unforgiveness. Unforgiveness also leads to bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 says “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” When unforgiveness is not dealt with through forgiveness, it often leads to bitterness. And notice it says that bitterness does not just affect the person who is bitter, but they vomit their bitterness on those around them and it defiles many. When you hang around someone who is bitter, you can almost guarantee that you will get some of that bitterness spewed on you.
I know that Cindi talked about this in a previous podcast but since we have so many new listeners, I will briefly cover this again. There are three directions of forgiveness. The first is for us to forgive others. We have talked quite a bit about forgiving others in this podcast. The second direction of forgiveness is for us to ask for and receive God’s forgiveness. When we are holding onto unforgiveness we are walking in sin. God said to forgive as we have been forgiven. How have we been forgiven? Completely. God has forgiven our sins as far as the east is from the west, however far that is. We can ask God to forgive us for our sin of unforgiveness, and then we can receive His forgiveness. I love picturing receiving His unforgiveness like standing under a hot shower and letting the water wash all of the guilt and sin away. Another part of asking for and receiving God’s forgiveness is that sometimes we need to release God from our judgements. We don’t actually need to forgive God because He is perfect in all His ways. What we let go of are our judgments against Him. Judgements like God why did you allow that to happen or why didn’t you stop them from doing that to me. There is great freedom in releasing God from our judgements. The third direction of forgiveness is to forgive yourself, which sometimes is the hardest to do. We often hold contempt for our behavior even when we are able to forgive others who have offended us. Only when we forgive in all three directions, forgiving others, asking for and receiving God’s forgiveness, and forgiving ourselves will we truly be free.
PRAYER
Father God, I thank you for the freedom that forgiveness provides. Today I know there are some people listening who are saying, “But you don’t understand what was done to me?” You don’t know how badly I have been hurt. Father let them know that You do know what happened to them and how badly they have been hurt, and You will give them the grace to extend forgiveness to those who have hurt them if they will allow You.
If you need help in this process of forgiving, please go to our website restoringthefoundations.org and click on the Get Ministry tab at the top of the page. There you will find a listing of RTF ministers in your area who can help you experience the freedom that forgiveness brings.
