Hope, Healing & Freedom Podcast : Ep 23
TRANSCRIPT
Hello, my name is Michelle Hensley and today I’m going to share about the power of the vow.
If I may, I would like to start with something the Lord shared with me many years ago. It was a great “aha” moment and I’m so grateful He brought it to light.
One day while in prayer the Lord said, “Michelle, you made an inner vow that you would never marry a black man”. I was quite surprised. I had no recall of making such a vow. He went on to share that out of my woundedness of being abandoned by my father who is black had greatly affected me. Then the black men that I had dated and a couple that I thought I would marry had greatly hurt me. You see, I was that orphan “looking for love in all the wrong places and relationships”. Out of these wounded places at some point I vowed in my heart that “I will NEVER marry a black man”. From a place of wanting to control and to protect my heart this was my great wall of protection. For those of those that do not know me, my husband Rick is white. We jokingly say he is translucent white. I am black and Korean. When I met Rick I did not consciously say, “hey, you’re not black so I can consider you being in my life”. This powerful vow was in operation to keep me from ever considering a relationship with a black man, again it was not a conscious thing.
Have you ever made an inner vow? Let’s look at the definition by RTF’s standard:
VOWS are strong statements made by an individual which express a determination to do or not to do, to be or not to be, something in particular. The words “I will never…” or “I will always…” are often used in vows.
Examples:
- I will never open my heart to you again.
- I will never change no matter how hard I try.
- I will always be alone and do life alone.
- I will never feel again. Feeling hurts too much.
- I will never trust women as friends.
When we make these vows, especially out of pain, they are very powerful. They anchor us in that place of pain. We can get stuck. When we have repeated experiences that validates the need to keep this vow, it really makes it hard to go forward.
The Lord speaks to me a lot with word pictures. As He was unpacking the impact of this vow in my life, He showed me a picture of me going out on a small one-man boat. The boat was me and my current situation. Once I got to the place, I thought was safe I dropped my anchor so I wouldn’t drift off. I couldn’t drift far from the place where the anchor had landed. What I didn’t know was that once the anchor had landed at the bottom the anchor got hinged under a rock. At first it felt good that I could not drift but when I was ready to leave this place I could not.
Here is the revelation He showed me. When I made this vow, I was in a place of great pain so it was very significant. It was full of emotion, it felt very intense, and I meant every word. There was anger, disappointment, and shame. So many negative feelings that consumed me. Praise God for RTF and the forgiveness teachings that includes renouncing, repenting, forgiving, and releasing. Well, I chose to forgive and that felt good. God had me on my healing journey in this place of woundedness from my dad. As I forgave my dad, I was experiencing freedom for sure BUT there was still something going on. This vow was still in a place that kept me stuck. The Lord showed me my anchor was hinged under this rock and that rock was the vow. He showed me diving into the water (with Him) to unhinge the anchor. In the spirit this meant I had to go deep with the Lord into my pain (proverbially under water) and He showed me why I was stuck. As I looked at this rock that my anchor was stuck under, I understood. Jesus and I unhinged the anchor from the rock, and I was able to put the anchor back in the boat and go forward.
Yes, this was my soul, spirit, hurt moment and Jesus went with me into the deep places to set me free. One of my many clichés that you may have heard before, “God reveals, satan conceals”. Ignorance is not bliss and we do perish for lack of knowledge or understanding. When we ask God for the “gift of exposure”, be ready for Him to show you what is still functioning in your life, especially when it functions legally. We know satan will do things illegally, but he LOVES it when he can do things legally. Our words and thought life are powerful. We may forget what we said and satan doesn’t care. He will continue to traffic in shame and pain for as long as he can. He HATES us sons and daughters of the Most High God. He is out to still, kill, and destroy but Our God came to give us life and life abundantly. This is our rightful inheritance.
So, what should I do, you ask…great question. Would you be willing to start with recognizing we all have stuff, and the layer of our stuff is coming off little by little. When we hit another proverbial emotional pothole, it does not mean we haven’t received healing. It just means Abba is after another place in your heart to heal. When Abba showed me my vow, I felt no shame. I was really surprised. What He was doing was He pulled off the proverbial scab from a wound that did not properly heal from the inside out. You see, anytime someone “bumped” into this scab of mine I would overact because it still hurt. So, in His gracious and kind way once He pulled back the scab, the Holy Spirit poured in like hydrogen peroxide and boy was it bubbling up because it was infected. He cleaned out the wound from the inside out. Then Jesus came with the balm of Gilead or in the natural like Neosporin to protect my wound while it healed. Then the hand of God covered my heart like a Band-Aid. As any wound being healed is a bit tender, so was my heart and so was my Abba.
Should you take the courageous risk of asking Abba, “is there a vow that I’m living out of that is hurting me”, just know He will show you because He loves you. He will walk thru the process with you. When I said, take the courageous risk, it is because it does take courage to go into the uncharted places of our heart where there may be an emotional land mind. You may be able to walk thru this with just you and Jesus or you may feel “help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”. Then ask Abba who is the person or persons that are called to “triage” you and administer help. He may choose someone you’re not close with, but they will be just the right team. Trust Abba with what His word says, “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it”.
Please don’t let shame, fear, and control keep you locked down. We are all broken in places and our healing journey is a beautiful testimony of God’s redemptive love. He’s not going to be surprised with anything you say or do. Let His love shine abroad in your heart dear friend.
He’s waiting for you!
Let’s pray:
Abba, thank you for your extravagant love that is deep, long, high and wide. It NEVER fails…it ways pursues. As we come boldly before the throne of grace we ask you to search our hearts and reveal our thoughts.
